Comments for Jim

Sunday, December 13, 1998

Rev. James A.Todhunter

"The Desert Shall Bloom"

ISAIAH 35:1-10 JAMES 5:7-10 MATTHEW 11:2-6

I believe that the greatest danger for Christians is discouragement. Think of the Hebrews in captivity in Babylon, an exile in which they appear to have lost everything. The image that the Prophet Isaiah evokes is of a desert. Exile is like living in a hopeless, arid waste land. Or think of John the Baptist in prison, sent there because he had the nerve to speak out against the evils of King Herod in the time of Jesus.

What terrible situations. How could one not be discouraged? What are you discouraged about? Maybe that is an easy question. Perhaps there are some obvious things in your life that are discouraging; problems that seem pressing and acute. Or maybe what is discouraging you is more of a vagueness, something you can’t quite put your finger on, like the general drift of your life, or a sense of opportunities somehow lost.

What does it feel like to be discouraged? It is not always obvious that one is discouraged. It is sometimes hard for me to own feelings of discouragement. I think this may be so because in our culture (and sometimes in the church) we feel we are not allowed to feel discouragement, like it is a sign of weakness. After all, doesn’t the old hymn say "We should never be discouraged, take it to the Lord in prayer"? So it is sometimes hard to put one’s finger squarely there and own it. For me, there are a number of feelings that cover or conceal deeper feelings of discouragement. Fatigue, for example. I may say, "I am tired. I’ve been working too hard. I need a break. I need more rest." But I think it is possible to be tired and have energy, and be tired and have no energy. I was tired after the run of "The Music Man" but found that I still had great energy. But being tired and having no energy is something else. That’s discouragement because there is no sense of when or where the energy will come from.

Another sign of discouragement is the feeling that things aren’t going to change really. It is the feeling of helplessness and hopelessness in the desert of the spirit. If anything is to change, it will have to come from somebody else. Another sign of discouragement is feeling unappreciated. I worked hard and accomplished all this or that, and nobody even noticed or appreciated it. So why bother? Another sign of discouragement, oddly enough, is impatience. Impatience is a different feeling from urgency or eagerness. Those feelings summon energy, while impatience is a spinning of one’s wheels. Feeling tired, unappreciated, impatient, or resentful are all signs of discouragement. So what is one to do?

It is important to recognize that one is discouraged for a reason. There is a connection between what you feel and the situation you are in. Your feelings are understandable. It is discouraging to be in the desert of exile. It is discouraging to be in prison, spiritually or literally.

If one accepts the reality of the situation that is causing discouragement, then the first thing one must do is grieve. Grieving is allowing oneself to feel the full sorrow of one’s situation. There is no more beautiful example of grieving than in the Psalms. The Hebrew people were able to feel their loss when they cried "By the waters of Babylon - there we sat down and there we wept when we remembered Zion. On the willows there, we hung up our harps." To grieve is to weep and then take down the harps and sing sad, sad songs of loss.

There is a mysterious spiritual paradox about grief. We fear that yielding to grief will destroy us, and that our tears are a sign of weakness. But the amazing thing is that grief releases energy and power. Grief is the exact opposite of discouragement in this regard. Tears of grief are sweet, while discouragement is always bitter.

When I consider the grieving process at CCC, I continue to feel some ambivalence. On the one hand, I hear many people say, quite sincerely, that during Joey Noble’s long illness, much grief took place. We did a tremendous amount of grieving when she died. And now we are ready to move on. I hear that a lot. And I think there is truth in it. But, at the same time, frankly, I am also hearing just the opposite. I hear people say "We are really tired. We’ve gone through so much. We need a rest." A person told me last week that all she did was happen to look at a picture of Joey and the tears just started flowing all over again. Each Sunday I see many tears in our congregation. I suppose one could say that individuals can be at different places. For myself, I reflect on this in light of the urgency I feel about matters that the church faces in our immediate future - including the need to settle on new staffing patterns and responsibilities, the need to move ahead toward a capital campaign and building program. Are we saying, we have done our grieving, we have energy, and it is time to move on? Or are we saying, we still have grieving to do, and we are lacking in energy, and these matters will have to wait?

When I find myself stressing that there are some concerns that simply can’t be put off, I feel a little bit like General Patton., trying to keep the troops slogging on toward victory. I tell myself that my energy will have to make up for other’s lack of energy. Then, of course, I end up feeling tired also. All this can add up to feeling - well, discouraged. So we must step back from any situation of discouragement, and ask some basic questions and try to come up with answers. In this, I think the scripture lessons this morning are very helpful.

Perhaps the most important question, in season and out of season, is what nourishes us? For discouragement means that I feel I am living without nourishment. When Isaiah says that the exile of the Hebrew people is like the desert, what he is describing is a place with no water, no sustenance. How do you survive there? What do you live on? What keeps you going? Joey’s great gift as a person and as a minister, was as a nurturer. The personal loss we all feel is because we loved her, and were heart-broken by her suffering. But our loss is also the loss of someone who could be depended on for the kind word, supportive smile, encouraging card. Those are the kinds of things that keep us going in the desert, right? Joey’s particular nurturing presence is gone. I wonder if some of the pain we feel is not just that what she gave is missed, but also the feeling that something we cannot live without is gone forever, like a mother’s love that has been removed from an infant who is now left to starve, in the desert. That’s discouragment.

I believe that at the heart of deep feelings of discouragement is fear. It is the fear that we are cut off from the sources of true nourishment. The opposite of faith is not doubt; the opposite of faith is really fear. It is the fear that we are alone in the world, without the nourishment we need to really live. Partly, that is true. We are alone in the world. In a way we are all motherless. We are bereft of mothers who are gone, or maybe bitter about the parents we had, who never really had enough to give.

But a faith that is the opposite of fear teaches that God is the only ultimate and dependable source of nourishment for our souls. It is in our turning to God that we discover the waters that never fail, the deep well that Jesus and the prophets speak of. And there is something about being in the desert, finding ourselves in prison, or wherever, that brings this all into focus. Facing and experiencing grief to the fullest is an important step on the journey to faith. For true grief is always the sorrow of our letting go of an attachment that came to be godlike for us. Grief is how we feel when we lose something we fear we cannot live without. But grief is empowering also because through this experience God becomes real to us as never before.

Grief is not something we get through, as much as it is the experience of ourselves in transformation. We don’t get through the desert of sorrow, loss and discouragement to arrive at some other side, and certainly not by flogging ourselves on. But what happens is that the desert itself is transformed before our eyes. How beautifully Isaiah puts this:

This is the vision. This is what God promises. This is what is to come. In Advent we are reminded that we live now in the pain of the moment, yearning for what will be. But the vision will come. Trust it.

So what do we do now? How do we survive in the wilderness of discouragement? First, if you have not already done so, yield fully and totally and unequivocally to the experience of grief. Trust how bad it feels and follow that grief. Be careful to take it seriously. Don’t assume too easily you have shed all your tears. Be ready for grief to return and surprise you. Own your discouragement for what it is. Yearn for the love and nourishment of spirit that you have lost. But don’t forget that God is God and God can provide it. And it is there. God is God. The desert will blossom.

And second, as Isaiah says to the grieving Hebrews, "Be strong, fear not!" Grief and power go hand in hand. The opposite of fear is faith and with faith comes the strength and energy to carry on. "Be strong, fear not, you are going to make it. Carry on. You can do it. Don’t quit now."

Then, when you have drunk deep of grief, and when you have determined to carry on with what you must do, then Isaiah goes on to say:

Then, in other words, the desert will blossom. You see, this process of grieving and carrying on is not an either/or matter; it is not a kind of linear process with some destination elsewhere. Another way of saying this is that what heals discouragement is not simply retreating in exhaustion, or advancing with whipped-up energy. What heals discouragement is "encouragement." In the Epistle of James, to overcome discouragement the writer says "Establish your hearts." I like that. "Establish your hearts." To be encouraged is to feel courage within. The formula reads this way: The ability to grieve + the determination to carry on = Courage. Such courage comes when we turn fully to God in trust; such courage will strengthen the weak hands, and make firm the feeble knees.

Isaiah said to the exiles, "The desert will blossom." John the Baptist asked for a word of hope from prison. Was Jesus the Messiah? Jesus sent back this message:

Go and tell John what you hear and see: the blind receive their sight, the lame walk, the lepers are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the poor have good news preached to them. And blessed is anyone who takes no offense at me.

Jesus’ message to John: it has already begun. Amen.

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