There are many Christmas icons that depict the Nativity. These devotional pictures contain Mary and baby Jesus, shepherds, angels, wise men, and the friendly beasts. The also show Joseph. But, instead of being at Mary’s side adoring the Christ Child, he is depicted in the far corner of the picture, away from the scene, sitting on a rock, scratching his head, perplexed.

I like to think of Joseph as a "white male" in crisis. By all accounts he is a good and kind man, a devout Jew coming from a long, royal lineage. When, during their engagement, he learns that Mary is pregnant, he no doubt feels hurt and betrayed. Maybe Mary tries to explain, but Matthew doesn’t say so. As any good Jew, Joseph consults the tradition for guidance. The law clearly says that she is to be divorced. I can hear Joseph heave a big sigh. In his deep hurt, he is relieved that at this stressful time, tradition will tell him what to do. And where other men might react with anger or even physical violence on this apparently faithless woman, he resolves to let the divorce happen quietly. And the scripture says it is to spare her, as well as himself, humiliation.

Then the angel appears in a dream and explains that she is with child by the Holy Spirit. God is the baby’s father. Suddenly she who was a source of shame, has now become the most important woman on earth. No wonder Joseph is shaking his head in amazement.

Christmas traditions, like Jewish midrash, fill in the sparse narrative with all kinds of imaginative details of Joseph’s struggle. In the "Cherry Tree Carol" what finally convinces him of the truth of Mary’s explanation is when she orders the tree to bow down to her. That would convince me! But, absent such dramatic details, let’s just stay a moment with Joseph’s dilemma. Sit with him as he ponders his choice, off to the side from the main attraction.

We like to think that the important choices we face are moral ones – choices between good and evil, right and wrong. In wanting to "do the right thing" in any situation, we may ask for advice or consult the law, the tradition. Which is what Joseph did. The law said "You have been wronged. Here are your rights. This is what should be done." As a white male, that left little choice for Joseph. But as a kind white male, rather than an angry white male, he softened the law with gentleness and love for Mary. He did what he was supposed to do. But he tried to reduce the pain for everyone. But here comes the angel and says, "No. Love Mary and care for her and raise the child as your own. God is at work in all this in ways you cannot understand. Ways that are good. Just let go of it and do what God is saying." The angel is telling Joseph to forget his rights in this situation, let go of his understandable need to follow the rules, and just trust what God is saying. And he does. He sees that the decision is not about finding the correct way to respond to an injustice he has experienced, but whether to surrender to God or not. He chose to respond not as an angry white male, or even as a gentle white male. He chose to let go. He chose to surrender his rights and prerogatives as a male Jew. But more deeply he chose to surrender his identity as a male Jew.

One of the questions going through his mind as he sat there scratching his head must have been, not only what’s going on here? But also "Now who am I?" "I am raising a child I have not fathered by a wife who has not been unfaithful?" Nothing in the legal codes to cover that! His perplexity is trying to figure out what can never be figured out.

Each one of us, male or female, carries around an aggrieved "white male" in our heads. When that white male is angry, he shouts, "What about me! That’s not right! It’s not fair!" And when the white male is gentle, yet wronged, he mutters, "Well, it may not be right, but I can’t do anything about it. I’ll just sulk." But to both of these, God gently says, "Let go of it. All will be well. I am calling you beyond this world of right and wrong you know so well. I am giving you more in this moment than all your rights and entitlements. I am inviting you into the mystery at the heart of life itself. Let go and follow me." AMEN.