Comments for Jim REMBERING JOEY -- 1998

Sunday, October 10, 1999

Rev. James A. Todhunter
"Remembering Joey"

EXODUS 32:1-14 PHILIPPIANS 4:1-9MATTHEW 22:1-14

Melissa Milkie and Chris Botsko, whose son Aaron we baptized earlier in the worship service, told me this story and I asked them if I could share it with you.

Melissa writes:

What a lovely story! As her colleague of eleven years, when I reflect on Joey’s qualities, the list is long: her exuberant love of life; her insistence that her horrible illness would not come between her and the ministry she loved; her passionate devotion to the church; her love of the Christian sacraments; her spirituality. And more. But, speaking for myself, the one gift she had that truly stands out is this: that when she was with you she gave you her total attention, she knew who you were, she understood what mattered most to you, and she cherished being with you. She had the remarkable ability to show you that you were loved and accepted and appreciated. What a wonderful gift, not only as a pastor, but as a human being! Joey’s favorite scripture is one that became familiar to us. "I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters I will be with you…Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you…" (Isaiah 43: 1,4)

Today marks the first anniversary of Joey’s death. During this past year, our congregation has done its best, I believe, to take our grief seriously. We have struggled to focus our spirituality on the meaning of loss, especially the loss of a beloved. We have struggled to discern the ways in which we have had to keeping moving, and in what ways we have had to stop and pay attention to grief. We have tried to recognize and appreciate the reality that each individual grieves at his or her own depth, intensity, and duration. I think we have all sensed new energy and hope in the life of our congregation. As she used to say "Sorrow lingers for a time, but joy comes in the morning."

Joey’s special gift, this ability to know you by name and affirm God’s love for you in her heart, creates a challenge for how we move through and beyond our grief. Let me say that I don’t believe that you, or I, or this congregation will ever meet another Joey Noble. Many of you have even verbalized this to me. She was extraordinary. And where does that leave us? There is a tendency, when a person of such significance is lost, to fear that the special love that person provided will never be felt again. Such loss creates an emptiness that we fear can never filled, so unique was that person. When a cherished parent, father or mother dies, or an especially important other person dies, we are left with a tremendous "hole in the soul." In our hearts we fear that we will never be loved again in quite the same way. And it is true. Such losses, in some ways, stay with us the rest of our lives.

But then, it seems to me, we are faced with a choice. We may come to accept the emptiness and live with it as "normal," a potentially bitter conclusion that we will somehow live without such love. Or, we decide differently. And, in our case, I believe this to be the answer. We decide that we are called, like Joey, to be fully our own unique selves, the beings God created us to be. We must not put our talents under cover or our lights under a bushel. We let our light shine to give glory to God and, through us, God’s grace to other people.

Joey was intent on spreading God’s grace. So if you wish, authentically, to truly memorialize her, to expand and offer the blessings of her life, you will become more yourself, more the unique image of God you were meant to be, and you will share it with us, with CCC, with the world. Joey was a unique gift to us. No one can replace her. No one can be like her. But each one of you is a unique blessing to us here at CCC and all those with whom you have contact.

Joey shared her gifts freely and fully. We are each blessed with unique talents. Our souls are wounded by Joey’s death. But our wounds are frequently the well springs of our greatest talents and blessings. Know yourself, your value, your special talents. Be yourself. Live out your giftedness. In the name of the God who created you. In memory of Joey who loved you. If you do this, you will be a blessing to CCC. If you do this, God’s spirit will come even more alive at CCC. And you will each be a living memorial to her.

I believe that one of the ways of understanding the resurrection in our lives is to appreciate how those we have lost live on in us. To let your light shine and your gifts be shared is a powerful way in which Joey can live in you.

What about us at CCC as a community? I have just said how important it is to affirm that Joey’s person and ministry continue with each of us as a living presence. But this morning, I want you to also think about how her gifts can live on in us as a community in practical ways.

For example, if one of Joey’s great gifts was, as I believe, her ability to communicate a personal knowledge of you, and a joyous appreciation of you as one whose name is known to God, how would we make that gift a living presence in our community? One of the hardest things in the world today is for people to get to know one another beyond the superficial. What do we need to do in our gathered life to create those opportunities? What would it mean for each person here to say, "In every encounter at CCC, no matter how fleeting, I will take that opportunity to let the divine in me touch the divine in you. To know and call you by name, even as God knows and calls you by name."? In this sense, can you make the commitment to be to others, as Joey was to you?

We should think this way in regard to Joey’s other gifts. Her passion for Christian spirituality is an invitation to broaden and expand the ministry of prayer, meditation, and healing. There are many in this congregation with great gifts to share in these areas. I believe that we should go about organizing and expanding such a ministry in a thoughtful, intentional and deliberate way, so that we will build something that endures.

Her love of the sacraments was very important to her. A number of years ago, on Sunday we shared in the celebration of the renewal of our baptismal vows. Christians are only baptized once. But yet, from ancient times, the church regularly called upon believers to re-affirm the truth that we are created in God’s image, called to serve this God, and welcomed into the body of Jesus Christ, the person who lived his life for others. This morning, both because it is fitting, and in special memory and appreciation of Joey, we invite you into such a reaffirmation. Let us take part with joy and exuberance, so that each of us and this Body of Christ may truly celebrate life. Amen.

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