Comments for Jim

Sunday, March 14, 1999

Rev. James A.Todhunter

"GOD IN THE FUTURE TENSE"

EXODUS 3:9-15, MATTHEW 28:5-7

The scripture lessons this morning address two questions: who is God and where is God? Moses wants to know God’s name so that he can tell the Egyptians what god has sent him. God knows that any name is like a definition; it is constricting and limiting. So God gives Moses a name that is mysterious and ineffable. It can be variously translated and no one knows exactly what it means. "I am who I am." But it can just as easily be rendered "I will do what I will do," or "I will be where I will be." In the last Chapter of Matthew’s Gospel, the angel astounds the women who find the tomb empty and the body of Jesus gone. He says to them "Go quickly and tell the disciples, ‘He has been raised from the dead, and indeed he is going ahead of you to Galilee; there you will see him.’"

In other words, our God is always a God who is out there ahead of us leading. Yes, God walks at our side in the journey, but God is also up the road, scouting the way, discerning the future. God loves, supports, nourishes us. But God also leads us.

Together with this notion of a leading God, I want to revisit an image I shared many months ago, during the time before Joey Noble died. It is the image of the church as functioning at two levels. I borrowed the idea from Jim Henkelman-Bahn, recalling the days when he was a member of First Church downtown and Metro was being built. At a deep, underground level, there was blasting, excavation, drilling. At the surface level, the work of the church continued on a day-to-day basis. The activities of that community couldn’t and didn’t grind to a halt. But, at the same time, there was no ignoring the impact of what was going on deep below. You had to be a little crazy if you pretended to ignore those big loud thumps, or the cracks in the wall, or the power outages. On the surface you kept moving, but you kept moving while recognizing what was happening beneath. What is on the surface and what is deep within are connected. And both constitute what it means to be a church. Remember that metaphor?

I think the image is still a useful one for us. We are at a different place now than we were a year ago, a different place at both levels. But yet the same kind of connection must be made. And if God is a God who leads us, how has God been leading us at both levels? Let me share some thoughts of my own.

At the deeper level what is happening? I believe we still grieve. At the time leading up to Joey’s death, there was a deep sorrow, helplessness, and sense of awful inevitability. This was tempered with wonder and appreciation at her courage and power of will and faith. At the time of her death, that pain and sorrow became raw and open. Joey’s presence was still felt, especially in that amazing memorial service. In a remarkable way, it was not only a memorial for her but also one last opportunity for her to speak to us, preaching and teaching and modeling her faith even then. It was a time of deep grief, but a time in which those feelings - which included relief and joy - could, at last, be openly expressed and released. What happened in the surface life of our congregation at that time was clearly connected with those depths. Our plans for the future were put on the back burner. We wrestled a bit with how and when to proceed, but recognized that things had to move forward.

Today we are at a different place, in terms of both levels. What I would like to suggest is that, on both levels, God has been at work, God has been leading, and we need to continue to trust God’s leading. In some cases God’s leading has been clear and direct. In other cases, particularly at the deeper level, God has been at work like a seed growing secretly. But in each case, God has been not only at our side in the journey, but ahead of us beckoning us forward.

What is happening at the deeper level today? I believe that we are at a different place together, but it is important to remember that we are still in grief, and will continue to be in grief for some time to come. Experts tell us that it takes three to five years for an organization to work through the loss of major leadership. And we must remember that we grieve collectively, but also we grieve individually, and individuals grieve differently - and that must be respectfully honored. How are we in a different place in our grief for Joey? I think the wrenching and searing sorrow has subsided, and the daily painful reminders of this loss are less acute. In looking at our future staffing plans, I think there is the healthy recognition that the church is moving on now. But, importantly, this does not mean this grief is gone. The pain is still there, and I don’t think it has been fully worked through. But I think it is now being experienced in a different way. Anyone who has experienced the loss of a loved one knows that during the initial grieving we feel the presence of friends and family who gather around us in support. That is deeply appreciated. But sooner or later, those friends and family go back to their own lives. Then comes a time during which the loss really begins to sink in. That time, which can last a long time, can be very lonely. Everybody else may have moved on, but we still hurt. And we are reluctant to talk about our feelings because we think no one else wants to hear it. This can be a time of deep, but unspoken pain in which we thought we had worked things through, but then realize the lasting hurt.

I feel we are at that kind of place in our church with regard to Joey’s loss. Yes, we said our good-byes; we had a lovely and moving memorial service; we provided opportunities for grief support groups and counseling with the pastoral care team. But I believe that, in a way, that was only the beginning. And the question is how, now, do we assess our grief? Here, I believe, we trust God’s leading in trusting our feelings. It is possible and important to deal with our feelings knowing that, on the one hand, we will not be immobilized by grief, but on the other, affirming that perhaps now many folks will feel freer and more motivated to share the impact of this loss. How do we grieve in the long run? We listen to and trust our own feelings. And we recognize the task of long-term grief involves the slow transmutation of the pain of loss of the beloved into the recovery of a living presence of that person in our lives.

How do we do this? I think that now, perhaps even more than earlier, many of us may be ready to share our feelings of grief together in small groups. In this, I would emphasize again what a gift we have in Kris Glasco as a skilled and sensitive counselor and group leader. And I would also stress again my conviction that Linda Carder represents a perfect choice for our interim minister. Linda’s pastoral skills are outstanding. And she has had for ten years the experience of working intentionally with churches going through loss. In other words, Linda will have one foot in the depths, at the deeper level, so to speak, to pastor to us all, helping us pay attention to what is going on beneath the surface. And I would have to add that I believe it is so important that our pastoral team include a woman in a leadership role. Pastoral care is ultimately my responsibility as senior minister. Yet I fully recognize that there are some qualities and dimensions of pastoral care that only a woman can provide another woman. My job can’t be to provide such pastoral care, but my responsibility is to see that it is available.

I have not said anything about the departure of Ruth Grace Crutchley. There was surely much feeling around that transition, and we all know our grief was complicated by its timing. To recognize feelings of grief for her is also necessary, even as we do acknowledge the differing circumstances. The good news is that she will, in April, assume full-time duties as Director of Christian Education at the Suffield Connecticut United Church of Christ. That community has welcomed her with enthusiasm and she is very excited about this move. She will be providing us with her new address as soon as she is settled.

How is God leading us in the day-to-day life of our congregation, on the upper level, so to speak? It must be obvious to all that we are moving ahead on some very important fronts. And here, too, I believe God is out ahead of us beckoning us forward. Next Sunday we will vote on a new staffing plan, one that I believe provides both the opportunity to explore our future, and care for our souls in this transition. The building committee has selected an architectural firm to work with us now in bringing our facilities priorities into focus with a specific plan. I must confess that in all my time here at CCC I have never seen more energy, hard work, and enthusiasm as is coming from this committee. They are really on fire with the Spirit. In the last few months, leaders have stepped forward and responsibilities have been assumed. Opportunity Sunday was a wonderful release of creative energy. Connection Sunday in April will be yet another chance to take our pulse together as a congregation. At this level, we are moving ahead, I think, at a breathtaking pace.

But we must stay connected with our depths, even as we move forward. We must keep moving, but we must listen to our souls as well. It is wonderful to experience such a great release of energy. But we cannot allow such energy to be an escape from sorrow. In a way all this points us into the painful and tragic nature of life itself. I have no doubt that Joey is looking down on us and is blessing and smiling on all these plans. Her wishes for our future were certainly made clear in life. To not move ahead now out of some kind of deference to her loss would be to dishonor her memory. But I must confess that for me at least, everything that happens at CCC will continue to have deep sorrow at its core. And amidst all the joy, there is and will be a continuing soberness. A kind of gravity is the word that comes to mind. Serious joy.

But then I think of all the hymns of the church that remind me that I follow a wondrous and trustworthy God. "Lead me, O Thou Great Jehovah." God is also grasping us each by the hand and saying "Fear not, I will be with you. All will be well. Follow me." AMEN.

Back to Table of Contents.